


sunday

by sowish



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, also theres a side ship, but not too much, lipseul - Freeform, some of the other members show up but lil cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 20:44:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18668035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sowish/pseuds/sowish
Summary: Wanting to be a videographer, Hyunjin has an eye for moments that should be kept as memories. Being with Heejin and falling in love with her, every day is a moment worth remembering. Constantly, with her camcorder in her hand, the record button is her best friend.Or rather: Loving Heejin, if someone asks Hyunjin, she'd say it's unforgettable.





	sunday

**Author's Note:**

> this is inspired by @minjooscult's (really incredible) video on twitter and i endlessly thank them for giving me permission to write on their creativity.
> 
> here's the link for it if you'd like to watch it (whether or not you want to spoil the writing if you haven't already seen it is up to you so, choose carefully!): https://twitter.com/minjooscult/status/1038019832103415809
> 
> shoutout to my sunday and i'll be there for giving me the visuals i needed to write some of these scenes.
> 
> also, i know i'm supposed to be working on the 2jin!hp au but.. ...this really hit me just like the writer's block did. so hopefully, with this out, i'll be able to hop over the lil obstruction soon and finish up.
> 
> enjoy :D

The first time she meets Heejin, it’s a Sunday and she was filming a short for one of her classes at the park. With a genius idea of putting her dog on a leash and filming his run through the streets of the park, Hyunjin takes to her skateboard to follow him. As it turns out, a genius idea doesn’t mean genius practice. Hyunjin isn’t the greatest at multitasking, so, when her dog takes a pretty sharp turn, she barely has the time to bend her knees for stability. In the chaos of her panic, she doesn’t see the crack in the sidewalk that her board crashes into. Falling—painfully or comically depending on who’s talking—Hyunjin flies off of her board at the sudden stop. Fortunately, she rolled onto the grass and had the mind to take the brunt of the fall on her back instead of her hands to protect her camcorder. (She spent excruciating hours in the summer working some shitty part-time job to pay for her camcorder all on her own. Proudly, she calls it an investment.) 

 

Groaning and laying her arms out, Hyunjin is met with her dog’s wet tongue licking at her face. Shifting away enough that her lips would stay clear of his affection, Hyunjin sees a pair of feet through her camcorder’s viewing screen. Following the legs that the feet belong to, it’s unfortunate how pretty the girl looks. (Not that it was bad that the girl was pretty, no, that’s definitely a blessing. The embarrassment of completely falling and eating the floor in front of, perhaps, the prettiest girl she’s ever seen is the tragedy of it all.)

 

“Oh my God! Are you okay? You fell pretty hard. Do you need ice?”

 

(Hyunjin has half of the mind to think, “Yeah, I fell hard for you.” She blames the slight pounding at the side of her head for that one.)

 

Sitting up with the help of the girl, Hyunjin can’t help but to marvel at how soft her hands are. They’re a lot smaller than hers, what with how tiny they look in hers.

 

“I’m okay as long as my camcorder’s okay. And by the looks of it, we’re alright!”

 

Checking on her equipment and pointing the lens at the girl to “check for functionality” (it was fully working, Hyunjin knows her camcorder well enough to know that it was), she is sure to keep this girl in a part of her memories.

 

Getting up, Hyunjin switches the camcorder from her right hand to her left to introduce herself properly, “Hi! I’m Hyunjin!”

 

The girl smiles and Hyunjin didn’t know it was possible for her to be even more beautiful. When she shakes her hand, Hyunjin has to remind herself that it’s socially appropriate to let go and not hold on, no matter how much she wanted to.

 

“I’m Heejin! It’s nice to meet you, Hyunjin!”

 

Wanting to talk more with Heejin, Hyunjin parts her lips to speak but, she is interrupted by the sound of her dog barking. Finding him, he was sat on the grass, barking at a pair of dogs barking back at him. Hyunjin couldn’t bear the thought of her dog fighting this verbal exchange alone. Looking back at Heejin, Hyunjin quickly excuses herself before shuttling off to her furry friend.

 

When Hyunjin goes to her dog, Heejin figures that she was doing so to collect him to stop his barking. Her surprise when Hyunjin barks  _ along _ with her dog (and films it with the camcorder in her hand) is more amusing than it is concerning. When the other two dogs turn away, Hyunjin pats her dog’s head before giving him a high-five. When she walks back to Heejin with her dog following her footsteps, the girl fails to stop the giggles that spill from her lips.

 

“It’s not often I see a person bark with their dog.”

 

Hyunjin freezes. As it turns out, most people don’t try to further exasperate their pet’s battles, and rather, try to stifle them, but, Hyunjin is quite protective when it comes to her dog. And plus, she knows he wouldn’t cause much trouble outside of barking and the occasional butt sniff. 

 

“Oh I just, don’t like that the two dogs were barking at my one dog and I wanted to level out the playing field so-”

 

“So you barked with him.”

 

Heejin’s smile is amused, but, warm. Endeared, almost.

 

“He’s my best friend; I’d do more than just publicly embarrass myself if it meant I’d be by his side.”

 

(Heejin’s smile is definitely endeared. She’s never met someone so loyally attached to their pet. It’s refreshing. If she was that loyal to stay by her animal, she could only imagine her commitment to an actual human being.)

 

Before they could talk more, a distant voice calls for Heejin’s name. Swept away by the presence of the girl and her dog, Heejin forgets that she was at the park for a specific reason. Her friend had wanted to practice together for a show that she was doing at a cafe nearby because Heejin had volunteered to be her guitar player. 

 

“I’ve gotta go! I can hear my friend summoning me. I’ll see you later, though!”

 

Lost in how pretty Heejin’s smile is, Hyunjin barely hears her and just slimly throws in a wave before Heejin turns away. With her camcorder, Hyunjin points at the girl walking away and when she looks back, the smile that enchanted Hyunjin is still gracing her lips.

 

Watching her walk away, Hyunjin pets the top of her dog’s hair before squatting down to talk to him, “Isn’t she the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen, Duppang?”

 

Her dog woofs in reply.

 

Hyunjin can’t understand dog (she barely speaks it), but, she knows her dog well enough to know it’s an affirmative.

 

And plus, it’s undeniable that Heejin’s beauty is beyond what is real.

 

When Hyunjin reviews her footage later on at night at her laptop, her camcorder had caught Heejin’s goodbye. While petting Duppang’s stomach, her dog tilts his head to her when she suddenly stopped doing so.

 

“See you later? How am I gonna see her later? I barely even know her name!”

 

Looking back at Duppang’s dark brown eyes, Hyunjin wishes she could find the answer in them, but, is only met with the demand to pet more.

 

~

 

“Hyunjin! Please come with me to the cafe? Haseul’s gonna be busy singing and being amazing and incredible on stage and I don’t want to be that lonely loser in the corner sipping on a basic cup of mocha.”

 

Hyunjin frowns at her friend who was pouting at her, trying her best to appeal to her friend to go.

 

“I don’t want to go and third-wheel you guys. It reminds me of how sad and single I am.”

 

“Well, if you would follow Jiwoo’s advice and use Duppang in your dating life, girls would flock to you. And you’re pretty and somewhat of a decent person! It’s the cherry on top.”

 

Completely breezing by the offhand insult, Hyunjin has more pressing matters to attend to, “Jungeun, I told you that I refuse to use my child as a ploy for my dating life. It feels wrong. I can’t sell him out like that. In fact, I’m not letting my future girlfriend meet him until I know she’s okay with having dogs on the bed. I refuse to be with someone who kicks their dog out of bed.”

 

Jungeun sighs and places her hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder, “At this point, Duppang is going to be the  _ only _ one on your bed. I don’t think you need to worry about someone else right now.”

 

Hyunjin hurumphs and crosses her arms, “If you’re trying to make me go, you’re doing a horrible job at persuading me.”

 

Quickly shifting gears, Jungeun pouts again and almost hangs off of her friend.

 

“Please! I heard Haseul got her friend to play the guitar for her. You won’t be completely alone and third-wheeling after her set. You’ll both be third-wheeling and then since you’re both third-wheeling, you’re technically  _ not _ third-wheeling!”

 

Hyunjin groans and gives in, not because she is taken with the thought of spending her evening with some person she didn’t know, but because if she heard the word “third-wheel” anymore, she might pull a Van Gogh and cut her ears off. (And frankly, Hyunjin likes her ears. She wants to do an earring commercial and that would be quite hard to do without ears.)

 

Before they separate to go to their classes, Jungeun knocks into her with a kind smile on her lips, “You’re more than just somewhat decent, Hyunjin. You deserve someone worth your time. I hope that you don’t have to wait for forever for her to come along.”

 

Sighing Hyunjin can only shrug, “Me too, Jungeun. Me too.”

 

(Little does Hyunjin know, the universe has leant its fortuitous ear to her.)

 

~

 

Friday comes along and so does Haseul’s set at the cafe at their college. Jungeun had wanted to be with Haseul every step of the way there and to walk her to the cafe and be there from her set-up and until the end, but, Haseul had persuaded her to go to her class and to come to the cafe after it ended. Begrudgingly, Jungeun goes with the bait of a kiss and a song dedicated to her. (Almost all of the songs on her set were dedicated to her, but, Haseul didn’t want to tell her that. If she did, then Jungeun would never actually leave to her class and would instead smother her in affection and love. And usually, Haseul loves being on the other end of her girlfriend’s affection, but, attendance is a must, especially in biochem lab class.)

 

The first person who walks through the door is Heejin with her guitar case strapped to her back. Haseul knew Heejin wouldn’t bail on her; she’s endlessly reliable and loyal, but still, seeing her calms her nervous heart. Haseul is ambitiously tied to her dream of becoming a singer and has spent many hours (and a decent amount of money) practicing on singing and working on her craft so that she could gather the attention of anyone watching—anyone who would care enough to listen to her stories.

 

The next hour, Jungeun almost stumbles in through the door. Quickly following her in is Hyunjin.

 

“Jungeun, I know I’m single and stuff, but that doesn’t mean I want to date every girl out there!

 

“But, she was pretty!”

 

“I know she’s pretty! Her girlfriend thinks that too!”

 

About to retort, Jungeun shuts her mouth. She had failed to consider that miniscule detail.

 

“Chaewon’s just a good friend of mine and her girlfriend is ridiculously in love with her and all of the money in the world will never be enough for me to even think about getting between them.”

 

Jungeun sighs and concedes. 

 

“I just want to find you a girlfriend so that you can be happy and in love!”   
  
“I am happy! Maybe not in love, but I love doing what I do and this camcorder is enough for me.”

 

Jungeun sighs and Hyunjin knows not to take the pity in her eyes as anything ill-intentioned.

 

“Camcorders and memory cards can only do so much, Hyunjin. Just, remember that.”

 

(And there’s no way she could forget. She’s seen her own family get torn apart by the shifted priorities careers create. Hyunjin refuses to become that. But, for now, she only has her camcorder. 

 

And Duppang. 

 

But, that’s besides the point.)

 

“Talking about my camcorder, I brought it.”

 

When Jungeun furrows her eyebrows together, Hyunjin explains further.

 

“You told me that Haseul wants to get her name out there. Having really high quality videos of her doing her thing is getting her one step closer.”

 

Jungeun feels herself melt. With Hyunjin, as playful and teasing as she can be, there is no denying the genuine heart that she has beating in her chest. Whoever Hyunjin decides to love, Jungeun knows, they’d be in good hands.

 

The sun is starting to fade away into the horizon and Haseul’s set is scheduled to start in an hour. While eating a delicious sandwich Sooyoung made, Hyunjin is content talking with Jungeun at the table they were sat at. Smack dab in the middle, Jungeun was sure to get the best seat in the cafe. Having her camcorder on and resting it on the table and filming the two of them, Hyunjin knows this is a night for memories. Mid bite, a girl who looks a lot like Heejin gets caught in her peripheral. Focusing her eyes on the girl who had her back turned, Hyunjin chokes on her food when she turns around.

 

Just as pretty and charming, Heejin sits on the stool on the stage and tunes her guitar. 

 

Hyunjin looks up to the universe and sends her plethora of thanks.

 

“Why are you looking at the ceiling? Is there something on it?”

 

“Nah, I’m just giving the universe a shout out.”

 

Jungeun frowns at her, “What?”

 

Hyunjin sighs and puts down her sandwich.

 

“The guitar player, I met her at the park by school and I thought I would never see her again, but, here she is. Right in front of me, playing guitar, looking like an absolute goddess.”

 

Jungeun’s eyebrows rise up and make an excellent impression of Jinsol.

 

“Sounds like you like her.”

 

Hyunjin feels a blush tinge at her cheeks, “I mean, I don’t really know her. But, she’s really cute. And didn’t think I was weird for barking with Duppang.”

 

Jungeun gasps and her feet tap in excitement, “Oh my God, this girl didn’t think your furry tendencies weren’t weird?”

 

Hyunjin shoves her friend’s shoulder before she hides her cheeks in embarrassment.

 

“Me standing up for my dog and barking doesn’t make me a furry!”

 

Jungeun raises her eyebrows and purses her lips, as if to say, “If you say so.”

 

“I’m really not!”

 

“Prove it!”

 

Without thinking, Hyunjin turns to the girl sound-checking and calls for her.

 

“Heejin! Do you think I’m a furry?”

 

Now, Heejin had been focused on checking all of her equipment for the show. She didn’t expect to hear her name, nonetheless the question that follows it. Looking out to the rest of the cafe, Heejin could barely make out Hyunjin’s face.

 

“Uh- Hi, Hyunjin?”

 

“Hi Heejin! Can you please answer my question so that I can prove to Jungeun that I’m  _ not _ a furry?”

 

Heejin sputters. It’s not often she gets asked if she thought someone was a furry. It’s quite bewildering to her.

 

(Hyunjin, Heejin thinks, is truly something else.)

 

“I guess not? I mean, it’s not like you walk around with a tail or anything?”

 

Hyunjin shoves at her friend again before whining at her, “See! Heejin doesn’t think I’m a furry!”

 

In retribution, Jungeun knocks back at Hyunjin and pokes at her even more, “That you know of, Heejin! That you know of! Maybe Hyunjin’s wearing a tail right now!”

 

For the lack of words, embarrassed isn’t even sufficient enough to describe how scarlet her cheeks turn. Standing up and turning around, Hyunjin’s voice is still loud despite her face being turned away from Heejin, “I’m not wearing a tail! I promise! I don’t even have a tail in my house! The only tail there is Duppang’s! Look! See! Tail-less!”

 

Utterly lost and confused, Heejin could only gape at the girl and her friend. Who was currently laughing and wiping the tears away from her eyes.

 

“Jungeun! I swear, if you don’t laugh your lungs out, I’m going to personally disembowel you!”

 

Stifling her laughter now, Jungeun feels her stomach’s pain in laughing too much. 

 

If someone had told Heejin her evening would turn out this way, she would attend more of these little cafe performances.

 

Settling down, Hyunjin sits back down and elbows at Jungeun for good measure.

 

“Sorry for disturbing you like that, Heejin. Just, ignore that ever happened and pretend my dumb friend and I aren’t here.”

 

Truthfully, Heejin doesn’t want to forget it happened. Hearing Hyunjin’s outraged voice and seeing her bright smile that shows despite being relentlessly teased is something Heejin wants to remember.

 

“What if I don’t want to?”

 

Hyunjin only whines and puts her face in her hands.

 

(Heejin gets Jungeun. The entertainment that comes with teasing Hyunjin is something money couldn’t ever price.

 

And plus, it’s cute how she gets all whiny and pouty.)

 

By the time Haseul’s set starts, the cafe is decently full with college students leisurely hanging out or cramming in some studying. Handing her camcorder to Jungeun so that she could film Haseul (and double checking the velcro strap’s hold on Jungeun’s hand), Hyunjin takes to her phone. Adjusting the lighting and focusing on Heejin, Hyunjin thinks the guitar player looks ethereal under the lights. Even when she plays, how passionately she feels about music is tangible. While her eyes flicked up constantly, she caught on how Hyunjin had her phone focused on her. Smiling, Heejin doesn’t know if her lips’ upturn was for the phone or for the girl behind it.

 

(It’s definitely the girl behind it because the way Hyunjin’s smile peeks out from behind her device makes her heart get all frantic with nerves, and not the performing kind.)

 

After Haseul’s set, a couple of students have the bravery and appreciation to go up to her and compliment her on her performance, as well with Heejin’s. (And it’s well deserved. Jungeun thinks the whole cafe should get in a line and praise her girlfriend’s performance. She’s not alone in that, Hyunjin thinks so too.) Promising to send Jungeun the files of Haseul’s performance after putting them into her hard drive, Haseul has already asked Heejin to eat dinner with them at the diner from across the street. 

 

Despite having a decent pile of work to do for her classes, she can’t find it in herself to refuse when she hears Hyunjin will be attending too. It also helps the latter’s case because she whispers her pleas, “Please, come with us to the diner. I don’t want to third-wheel them and be reminded of how single I am.”

 

Hyunjin’s single. There’s just one more thing to know before Heejin could really fall head first for her. 

 

(Not to say that she hasn’t already. Matters of the heart rarely ever listen to what the mind insists on.)

 

As it turns out, it doesn’t take Heejin long to find out that Hyunjin liked girls, thanks to Jungeun’s generous sharing of Hyunjin’s personal life.

 

“Hyunjin, the waitress was totally checking you out.”

 

“So?”   
  


“Just wanted to let you know. For a single gay who wants a girlfriend, you sound so blase.”

 

If it weren’t for the glorious burger in front of her, Hyunjin would have lunged at the girl diagonal to her.

 

“Just because I’m sad and single doesn’t mean I’m going to go after every girl that shows the slightest bit of attraction! I’m sad, not desperate!”

 

Jungeun laughs and it seems a lot like she already knew this piece of information.

 

(Jungeun is the bane of Hyunjin’s existence and if it weren’t for her random daily moments of affection, Hyunjin would have none of her teasing. But, because Jungeun’s heart is too big for its own good, the videographer only has the fury to post ugly pictures of the girl on her Twitter account.

 

Jungeun’s not a fan of it, but, she has her own fair share pictures of Hyunjin so she supposes, “You win some, you lose some.”)

 

(Sure, Hyunjin had to undergo the embarrassment of being teased, but at least, the girl sitting beside her laughing with Hyunjin knows that she’s single and emotionally available. Jungeun bargains that while Hyunjin has lost some of her dignity, maybe she’ll be on the path to winning Heejin.

 

It’s the small victories that matter.)

 

While Heejin and Hyunjin walk back to their cars trailing behind the couple, Hyunjin films how their shadowed silhouettes collide in the light. From panning to the neon signs of restaurants, the couple ahead of them, and the ethereal girl beside her, Hyunjin thinks that any moment she spends with Heejin is one that she wants to remember. Heejin brushes her shoulder against Hyunjin’s and when the girl doesn’t shift away, she gains further courage to do the same with their hands. When Hyunjin stutters mid-sentence, Heejin decides to take a chance and bear the embarrassment should the situation turn sour.

 

“So, single and sad?”

 

Hyunjin blushes and Heejin faintly sees how it dusts her cheeks when they walk under a light post.

 

“Single and only sometimes sad. Not always about being single, but, you know, just, when life’s being particularly shitty.”

 

Heejin hums in agreement.

 

“If I could have the chance, maybe, I can help you out with that?”

 

Hyunjin stops in her steps and looks at the girl walking ahead of her. Eyes wide, Hyunjin never imagined her night turning out this way. Her camcorder stands frozen in its spot pointed at Heejin.

 

“You? Help me?” 

 

The smile that blooms on Heejin’s lips is bright and warm and it’s enough to melt the cold around Hyunjin.

 

“I would like to.”

 

Hyunjin smiles and it’s soft and shy and charmed.

 

“We can start out slow, if that’s okay with you?”

 

(And God, it’s better than okay. It’s everything Heejin could ever want with Hyunjin. She could do slow as long as it meant she’d be doing it Hyunjin.)

 

When Hyunjin gets home and closes the door to her room, Duppang is excitedly waiting on her bed, wagging his tail for affection. Putting her bag down and placing her camcorder on her desk, Hyunjin does her usual tradition of kissing the part where the bridge of his nose starts and the top part of his head while she scratched behind his ears.

 

Reviewing the footage Hyunjin filmed that night, she sends Jungeun the files of Haseul’s breathtaking performance, relives the horrifying experience of being teased, and replays how Heejin’s smile grew and how bright her eyes looked under the light post by the bookstore.

 

(Hyunjin couldn’t be confident in it, but she has a feeling—this girl is going to change things for her. If her smile could subdue her to a soft pile of mush and endearment, there was no telling what else Heejin could reduce her to.) 

 

Hyunjin stays awake at night, unable to sleep, her heart thumping in excitement.

 

When her phone vibrates, Heejin’s name does little to temper the racing in her chest.

 

 ** _Heekkie <3:_** _it was really nice seeing you tonight...it’d be a pleasure to spend more nights like this with you :)_

 

Everything about her message makes Hyunjin thrash her legs at how cute the girl is. Down from the heart she put beside the nickname she made for herself to the message and the smiley face, Hyunjin knows that her life is changing its tide, much like how the moon pulls the tides of oceans.

 

~ 

 

All of this time, Heejin had been attending the same college as Hyunjin. While they both live off-campus, Hyunjin concedes at how the universe hid her away until Hyunjin had to brutally embarrass herself in front of her.

 

(The embarrassment was worth it.)

 

In the gaps between classes that Hyunjin would go through alone, studying or relaxing, Heejin coincidentally had gaps too. The cafe being a main spot for them, the pair would frequent the table Jungeun had chosen the night of Haseul’s performance. Always getting a croissant (thanks to Sooyoung’s generosity and giving them to her for free), Hyunjin breaks off half of it to share it with Heejin. (Initially, she had bought it because she had been craving the flaky pastry, but, when she had sat down with the bag, Heejin’s stomach growled at the buttery smell that permeated through. Without hesitating, Hyunjin broke off half for her to eat and while the other girl refused it at first, Hyunjin stubbornly chose not to eat because she was set on allocating it for her. Unwilling to let food waste, especially when she was hungry, Heejin took the other half). 

 

While munching on their snack, Hyunjin would often film Heejin talking, eating, laughing. Whatever she did, Hyunjin wanted to capture it to immortalize it. Sometimes Heejin would cover the lens of the camcorder, timid at the presence of it.

 

“But you look so pretty when you laugh! I wanna remember how it looks when I’m old and delusional.”

 

Heejin whines and shakes her head, ignores how her heart goes haywire at the thought of Hyunjin considering her in her future. Hyunjin laughs at how cute the girl looks when she’s being teased, but, when she settles down, she puts the camcorder down and turns it off.

 

“If it really bothers you, I won’t film you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable around me.”

 

Something about Hyunjin’s consideration and the respect she has for her makes the girl’s heart thump a little louder, its echo reverberating against the chambers of her chest. Looking at the camcorder placed on table, Heejin takes it into her hands, turns it on, and points it at the girl in front of her.

 

(Normally, Hyunjin would panic if anyone other than herself put their hands on her treasure without her permission, but, she didn’t have the frantic heart attack when Heejin cautiously took it in her hands. 

 

She’s something special.

 

It’s not new information, by any means.)

 

“How about this? You can film me as long as I can film you?”

 

Hyunjin smiles at how willing Heejin is accept her into her life. Placing her hand over the one that was on the table, smiling into the lens before looking at the girl behind it, Hyunjin’s voice is warm and comforting, “I think I can handle that.”

 

~

 

Heejin thinks she has a sixth sense. Anytime she called Hyunjin, even at random hours of the day, the other girl usually happens to be out on a walk with Duppang at the park. Missing her particularly immensely today, Heejin abandons practicing her guitar. Her trusty music partner could wait for her.

 

_ “Stay where you are.” _

 

_ “Why?” _

 

_ “I miss you. And I want to see you. So stay where you are.” _

 

_ Hyunjin is too endeared by her happiness to effectively reply anything more than a, “Okay. I’ll see you, Heekkie!” _

 

Driving to the park, Heejin has difficulty finding Hyunjin. However, she catches the familiar black coat of hair that Duppang has and when she walks closer, he is sat on Hyunjin’s lap, happily panting. Hyunjin, petting Duppang and filming how the clouds move with her camcorder, is almost heart-stoppingly startled when Heejin shouts into her ear and lightly nudges at her back. Screaming at the surprise, Hyunjin grasps tighter at her camcorder before quickly twisting over to see who made her panic in fear.

 

Met with the sound of Heejin’s laugh and her head thrown back in laughter, Hyunjin is sure to capture how wholesome and genuinely happy the girl looks.

 

Maybe almost dying was worth the sight of Heejin smiling.

 

(It was.)

 

Walking around the park now with Duppang leading them, the pair lose count on how many times they circle around the track. It isn’t until Duppang nudges the lead towards Hyunjin’s car does she realize how time has elapsed. The sun, starting to set, colors the sky in pastel pinks and oranges. Squatting down to Duppang and asking for his patience, Hyunjin excuses herself from Heejin for a moment. Climbing the play structure that children normally play on, Hyunjin elevates herself to capture how breathtaking the sky looks. Coming down, Hyunjin takes Duppang to the water fountain that trickles water down to the bowl that dogs could drink from. While he lapped away and hydrated himself, Hyunjin leans against a tree beside Heejin.

 

“Sunsets are one of my favorite things to look at. They’re just so beautiful and they happen naturally, and in the right season, every day. And too often, we take advantage of the things that are right in front of us and I don’t want that to be me. So, whenever I can, whenever I catch the sunset, I try to film it or take pictures, do whatever it is that documents it.”

 

Heejin could listen to Hyunjin talking about her passions for as long as time could allow her. Her eyes light up and her hands become more fluid as she goes on. Her voice elevates in sound and strength and Hyunjin just becomes even brighter than she already is. 

 

(She is such a sight to see.)

 

Reaching for her camcorder, Hyunjin is too enveloped in talking about the sky to realize Heejin had taken her camcorder to film her. Looking at her from behind the camcorder, Hyunjin is still lost, talking about the natural beauty of nature.

 

Heejin knows it’s not the kind of nature Hyunjin is rambling about, but, she believes Hyunjin could be a part of how beautiful nature looks.

 

With how she glows, how the sky looks behind her, how happy Duppang looks to be beside her, there is no denying the aesthetics in nature when it concerns Hyunjin.

 

For as long as Hyunjin existed, she is indubitably a treasure to be appreciated.

 

And with the immortalization of her on her camcorder, Heejin is assured in an infinite appreciation for her.

 

~

 

Their first date, Heejin didn’t have a set plan for the night. All she knew was that she wanted to be with Hyunjin and talk with her, experience how she looked under different lights. Taking her downtown where they could walk around, Heejin chooses a place that she could always rely on.

 

Cafe Rosy, ran by Hyejoo’s family, has always been a place she frequented with her friends. Knowing Hyejoo and her family, the service is always especially warm and welcoming and the food is just as pleasing to eat.

 

Hyunjin, recognizing a flash of blonde hair and a short stature, calls out a name on a whim.

 

“Chaewon?”

 

The blonde girl turns around, and to her greatest relief, she is met with her friend’s face looking for who called her name.

 

“Hyunjin? Heejin?”

 

The former and the blonde girl ask simultaneously, “What are you doing here?”

 

Chaewon gestures at the girl serving a table to side, “This is Hyejoo’s family’s restaurant. I’m just waiting for her to finish up so that we can go out on our date and hit up the internet cafe.”

 

Turning to Heejin, Hyunjin is pleasantly shocked, “You know Hyejoo?”

 

Facing Hyunjin, Heejin asks back, “You know her too?”

 

Hyunjin gestures at Chaewon and introduces her, “Well, this is Chaewon, as you know. She’s been my friend since freshman year. And she talks, pretty much endlessly, about Hyejoo.”

 

Heejin gestures to Hyejoo, “Hyejoo’s parents are really close friends with mine and they used to bring her over to our house and we would play around while they talked. And we just grew up being friends.”

 

Hyunjin looks up to the universe again. Heejin, all of this time, has been so close to her, right under her nose, and it’s only now that Hyunjin has her.

 

(She promises to appreciate her the same way she appreciates how the sky looks when the sun sets.)

 

Hyunjin’s little monologue is cut short when Chaewon looks between them.

 

“So, how do you guys know each other?”

 

“Oh, well, long story short, Heejin saw me eat shit at the park and I thought she was the prettiest person I had ever seen and then she left and I thought I would never see her again, but then, Jungeun persuaded me to go to Haseul’s performance, and lo and behold, there she was, and now we’re on a date!”

 

Chaewon quirks an eyebrow, “I wasn’t expecting a brief history lesson, but, good for you Hyunjin! Maybe Jungeun will stop trying to set you up with me.”

 

Hyunjin almost shivers at the memory of Jungeun trying to play cupid, “Jungeun learned her lesson; and plus she’s been off of my back lately.”

 

Looking at how their hands links together and trailing her eyes up to Heejin who was blushing and staring at the floor, Chaewon mumbles, “No wonder why.”

 

(Heejin knew she was pretty, but, pretty enough for Hyunjin to consider her the prettiest person she’d ever seen when she could infinitely ramble on about nature’s beauty is the greatest compliment Heejin could ever receive)

 

“Well, looks like Hyejoo’s wrapping up. I’ll be out of your way; enjoy your date!”

 

When Chaewon goes her own way, Hyunjin and Heejin sit at a table by the window. When Hyunjin sets her camcorder on the table to film their dinner, she precariously points the lens towards the window.

 

“Sometimes, some of the best footage comes from what’s happening behind the main focus. One time, I was filming Sooyoung cooking a new recipe for the cafe and behind her, my camcorder caught Chaewon setting fire to some soup she was trying to cook and it just gives so much context to how much Sooyoung was panicking. And why the filming gets so shaky. I couldn’t stop laughing; I think a part of my soul left because I laughed too much.”

 

The fond smile on Hyunjin’s lips and how her eyes seem to twinkle paints her to be this enchanting image to fawn at. (And Heejin does plenty of internal fawning at the sight.)

 

Something about Hyunjin’s smile feels like hot chocolate on cold nights, the warm sound of jazz chords she plays on her guitar, the pleasant glow of the sun’s rays on a breezy day—Heejin wishes she could just bathe in her light.

 

After eating (and briefly talking with Hyejoo’s parents), the two girls meander around the city, shopping in little stationary stores, picking up ice cream along the way, and talking about everything and nothing at all. In Hyunjin’s camcorder, the memories of the night are caught: how relaxed and innocently happy Heejin looks when she twirls around a light post, how pretty she looks when she browses through pens she claims she doesn’t need, how disarming her crescent-eyed smile is when Hyunjin tells a dumb joke, how their hands lace and link together all throughout the night.

 

Before Hyunjin heads to bed, she changes the lockscreen password of her phone. Typing the digits of the date, she knows she’s going to remember it, how she felt.

 

_ Sunday, January 13, 2019, the night where I might have fallen in love with Heejin _ .

 

Hyunjin’s never been in love, but, the way she feels so unhesitatingly comfortable and safe around Heejin isn’t something casual.

 

With how she always wants to be around her, say or do the weirdest of things just to hear the chiming of her laughter, how often she points her camcorder at her, Hyunjin knows there’s something greater under the surface than just fond attraction.

 

Falling in love with Heejin doesn’t scare her. Falling in love with her sounds like endless moments to engrave as memories.

  
~.~.~

 

Dating Heejin, as Hyunjin correctly predicted, builds an impressive archive of memories to retrieve from and relieve.

 

Two years out from their first date, Hyunjin takes the initiative to handle the reins on their anniversary date this time around.

 

Thinking of an elaborate scheme, Hyunjin uses footage from the past two years together with Heejin as hints.

 

The day of their date, Hyunjin doesn’t pick Heejin up like she normally would. Instead, Jungeun had Duppang’s leash in her hand.

 

“Duppang needs to go on a walk at the park. The one on Second.”

 

Not giving Heejin a chance to reply, she drops the leash in her hand and waves away at her, “Have fun on your date, Heejin! Just, trust Hyunjin and do whatever gets handed to you.”

 

Trusting Hyunjin has never been a problem. The girl always strove to be a constant and reliable figure in Heejin’s life and her efforts are nothing but a fruitful success. Being able to lean on Hyunjin and putting her heart in her hands was one of the things Heejin didn’t need to be brave to do.

 

Cooing at Duppang, Heejin scratches behind his ears and starts her walk to the park. 

 

(Initially, Heejin had been worried that her future with Hyunjin wouldn’t stretch too far, what with her severe allergies to fur and how much Hyunjin loved Duppang. But, as it turned out, Duppang had hair instead of fur and it relieved Heejin to no end to know that she wouldn’t have to choose between living and being with Hyunjin. (It kind of felt like the same thing to her.))

 

(On their second date the next week, before Hyunjin even started driving off to their destination, she had turned off the music playing in her car and sat with a serious expression on her face.

 

_ “Heejin, I need to know something important and I need to know now before I fall even more for you.” _

 

_ Heejin is terrified, worried about what Hyunjin could possibly ask that could terminate their just developing relationship. She didn’t know about her, but, Heejin had planned to be with Hyunjin for as long as possible. _

 

_ “It sounds odd, but, I need to know if you’re okay with having dogs on your bed at night.” _

 

_ The weight that gets lifted off of her shoulders is a large exhale of relief. She had thought of much more grim hypotheticals and sighed at how the question didn’t happen to be one of them. _

 

_ “I mean, I’m really allergic to fur so I can’t be around dogs that much otherwise I break out into serious hives and my throat gets all closed up and as much as I like dogs, I really don’t have the money to pay for the hospital aftercare. But, I guess, to answer your question, if I could, I don’t see the problem in it.” _

 

_ “Oh that’s great! Duppang’s got hair so we’re in the clear. Can you direct me please?” _

 

_ Looking at Hyunjin, who had handed her phone to her, Heejin furrows her eyebrows. How she nonchalantly implied that they’d share beds, for whatever intentions that they may be (Heejin knows that they’re innocent), is beyond her. (On their first date, Heejin noticed how Hyunjin kept flicking her eyes at her hands and how hers would inch up at Heejin’s, only to back away. She had made multiple attempts to try, even wiped her hands on her jeans to get rid of the clamminess, but, Heejin had enough entertainment watching her struggle and decides to take the initiative to lace their fingers together. The rush of blood to Hyunjin’s cheeks show under the light of the cafe. It’s cute—everything about her is endearingly charming.)) _

 

Once at the park and giving Duppang a lap around, Jinsol’s arrival is new. Handing Heejin her phone in exchange for Duppang, Jinsol tells her to leave her phone in the grass.

 

“Sooyoung will pick it up; she needed to get something from the car. Something about a tie for Duppang. You know how she is with pets and clothes.”

 

Knowing the cook and her slight obsession to dress dogs in clothes, Heejin just nods in understanding.

 

Tapping play and watching the video, Heejin is met with the perspective of Duppang running happily in the park. In the video, Heejin hears Hyunjin’s laughs coming from behind the camcorder and the way Heejin’s heart smiles along with it is a normal occurrence. At first, her footage is smooth, despite the little bumps in the streets, that is, until there is a sudden veering of perspective and Hyunjin’s panicked voice yelps from behind the camcorder. In a blurring motion of tumbling, instead of Duppang’s perspective in view, a pair of checkered Vans come into view. 

 

It isn’t until that perspective comes in does Heejin widen her eyes. Quickly pausing the video and looking down at her shoes, she realizes it’s the same pair of shoes in the video, albeit, looking much more ratty than they did back then.

 

Heejin fondly smiles at the memory of meeting Hyunjin for the first time, revels in how she can relive it in the current present moment with the phone in her hand. Tapping play again, Heejin hears her voice coming from above and the camcorder’s movement is a bit erratic but when it focuses on Heejin, the girl can hear how Hyunjin quietly gasps behind the camcorder. From there, the footage is of Duppang sitting and moving away when he spots two dogs. Barking, Heejin laughs and recalls how Hyunjin had excused herself to bark along with her dog. 

 

(Even from the first minute, Hyunjin had created quite the impression. Heejin is proud to say that despite two years passing by, Hyunjin still has her own adorable ways of being uniquely charming. Heejin remembers being fondly taken by Hyunjin’s loyalty to Duppang. Heejin thanks the universe for giving her the opportunity to be the human being who Hyunjin chooses to be loyal to.

 

She would never take advantage of such trust and commitment.)

 

The last thing she sees in the video is Duppang’s happy panting face and Hyunjin’s voice behind the camcorder,  _ “Isn’t she the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen, Duppang?” _

 

The way the corner of her lips lift to form a smile is subconscious. Heejin really had Hyunjin wrapped around her pinky finger at the very start without even knowing.

 

The video still plays on after a brief blank screen and Heejin recognizes that Hyunjin had filmed this excerpt recently, if by the way her hair parts differently than in the past and the clothes are any indication.

 

“Hi Heekkie! It didn’t hit me until later on that night that you had said you’d see me later and I remember feeling really disappointed about probably never seeing you again because I had no way to contact you. In fact, I only really knew your name. And that your hands looked tiny in mine, but, that’s irrelevant to this. Jungeun holds it over my head that she led me to you, but, honestly, I think the universe would have led me to you somehow. I think we’re kismet. Love you, baby; see you at the cafe!”

 

Heejin looks up to the sky and thanks the universe for leading Hyunjin to her. 

 

By this time, Jinsol had returned with Duppang, “I think you’ve got a cafe to get to. Let’s go; Haseul’s waiting for you.”

 

Heading to the cafe, it’s as if Heejin is the same girl she was two years ago, with the bundle of nerves flaring up inside of her at the thought of performing. She had wanted to be perfect, if not for herself, for Haseul. She had deserved a flawless performance from her. Pulling up and opening the door to the cafe, Haseul was sat at the table Jungeun and Hyunjin had sat at the night of her performance.

 

With Haseul smiling at her, Heejin feels a bit of home in her heart. (Haseul had been one of her friends that she could always count on and Heejin thinks that if it weren’t for her, she would have spent many nights asleep, napping at the library mid-studying.)

 

“I remember the night of my performance like it was yesterday. How nervous and anxious I was. But, also, how excited I was to finally get a chance to put myself somewhere.”

 

(And, Haseul got further than just a little cafe stage. In the past two years, she got picked up by an independent label and she’s been working on producing music with the experts there. It’s still a work in progress, but, Haseul is proud to say that her songs have become demos for hit artists. It’s a journey up, but, she is still endlessly driven to get to where she needs to be. And with Jungeun cheering her on on the side, Haseul thinks she could do anything.)

 

Handing Heejin her phone, Haseul goes behind the counter where Sooyoung had been watching the exchange. Watching the video now, Heejin watches how the camcorder’s focus on Jungeun captures her boisterous laughter when she teases Hyunjin.

 

Still, to this day, Heejin hadn’t been asked a question as odd as, “Do you think I’m a furry?”

 

(There’s something about Hyunjin and her being the person she experiences new things in life with. From their first kiss, their first time, to their first “I love you’s,” Hyunjin is a part of every romantic hallmark Heejin could have accomplished so far in her life.

 

And she wouldn’t have it any other way, couldn’t imagine it any other way.)

 

The footage cuts to shadows on the floor and when Hyunjin pans up and away, Heejin remembers the walk back to her car. She remembers feeling so awfully nervous taking her hand and asking if she could have the chance to be with Hyunjin. It’s hard to forget such intense emotions of fear and anticipation.

 

Watching the video, when she brushes their hands together, Heejin hears how Hyunjin stutters through her sentence and sees how the camcorder suddenly pans to their intertwined fingers. The camcorder pans up to Heejin’s face, and even then, Heejin now can see how fondly she already regarded Hyunjin, if how bright her smile shone was any indication.

 

Heejin doesn’t need a camcorder to remember how Hyunjin looked behind the lens. She couldn’t forget how soft and warm her smile was, how her eyes seemed to twinkle under the lights. She couldn’t possibly forget how her heart started to echo Hyunjin’s name against her chest.

 

The video shifts again and the streaming of sunlight filters into the screen. Still at the cafe, just on another day, the camcorder’s perspective details Hyunjin’s walk to the cashier, the kind smile on Sooyoung’s face when she hands Hyunjin the bag with her croissant in it, Hyunjin’s journey back (accompanied with the humming of a song Heejin had showed her earlier on in the week), and how it comes to a rest at the table.

 

There, only their hands are visible and without precedence, Hyunjin is halving the croissant to share it with her.

 

(If Heejin had known at the time how much Hyunjin treasured her afternoon snack, she would have taken her gracious generosity with a greater grain of salt. She might have taken it for the block if she knew.)

 

It doesn’t take too long for Hyunjin to pick up the camcorder again to film Heejin and in the video, she’s biting into the croissant and laughing when Hyunjin laughs at the sight of the flakes of the croissant violently wavering at the force of her breathing onto it. From there, Heejin’s hand covers the screen, but, she can still hear Hyunjin’s voice loud and clear behind it,  _ “But you look so pretty when you laugh! I wanna remember how it looks when I’m old and delusional.” _

 

Hearing it now, Hyunjin’s compliment still affects her the same way it did that day. Except now, she knows she wants to grow old and delusional with Hyunjin too. 

 

(As long as they had the memories to remind them, they’d be okay.)

 

Suddenly, Hyunjin pops onto the screen and she waves at the camcorder, “I’m supposed to take you back to the park for the next part, but, frankly, gas is four dollars and we’re still broke college students trying to get by in life and I don’t want to waste our friends’ gas tank by driving back and forth, so, here’s the next part! See you at Cafe Rosy soon!”

 

The footage starts and it’s of clouds rolling by in the sky. Hyunjin’s voice comes from behind the camcorder and it’s smooth and calming and everything that soothes Heejin after a particularly hard day.

 

_ “Heejin told me to stay in place because she missed me and it’s a little scary how much I liked hearing that, Duppang.” _

 

The video lingers on a little bit before an explosion of sound booms from behind the camcorder. 

 

Hyunjin is a fun person to startle. Her eyes get all wide, her voice gets a bit higher, and her hands slightly shake. (One time, Heejin had startled Hyunjin to the floor after one of her classes and it was funny until Hyunjin tried to stand and yelped in pain. In the chaos of Hyunjin being startled and jumping into the air, she had lost her footing and rolled her ankle. Heejin almost sobbed copious amounts of apologies and Hyunjin, being Hyunjin, waved them off with nonchalance, as if Heejin hadn’t been the reason for her injury. Hyunjin knew that Heejin would never carry the intention to purposely hurt her; her heart didn’t feel any spite for her. To make Heejin feel better, Hyunjin had asked her for her assistance to help her to her next class that was downhill. For the next month, Heejin carried Hyunjin on her back to her film class and even though she was always late to her next class, Heejin took the embarrassment that came with walking in late with steel.)

 

The footage cuts and the camcorder is focused on the sky and its awe-inducing colors. Behind the camcorder, Hyunjin’s voice whispers,  _ “Oh my God, the sky’s so fucking beautiful.” _

 

And as the months went by, Heejin spent them enraptured by Hyunjin and her passions, listening to them faithfully and attentively.

 

(It’s one of the things Hyunjin loves most about Heejin. Never did she make her feel inadequate or insufficient or annoying in her passions. If anything, she made her feel more confident and proud of her interests and the work that she put into capturing them.)

 

The perspective cuts to Heejin’s focus on Hyunjin and as she rambled on about the sky, in yellow, a caption sits at the bottom of the frame,  _ “Thank you for listening to my passions. It was only inevitable for you to become one of them.” _

 

At the end of the video, Haseul takes her hand and leads her to her car so that she could take her to Cafe Rosy. Arriving there, Hyejoo is sat at the counter with her phone. Handing it to her and sliding a cup of hot chocolate to her, Heejin ruffles Hyejoo’s hair the same way she used to when they were kids and the younger girl’s smile beams and it’s bright and warm and Heejin knows that it’s one of Chaewon’s favorite things about her. (Of course, it helps that Chaewon had actually told her that during one of their nights out and she had been a little tipsy after a couple of those sweet alcoholic drinks. Those were always the worst ones. Heejin had spent a fair amount of mornings nursing her hangover and thanking Hyunjin endlessly for her care.)

 

“Honestly, at first, I was glad you came along just so that Jungeun would stop trying to set my girlfriend up with Hyunjin. But now, you’re hers and you make her so happy that Chaewon even comes to me to complain about how much Hyunjin talks about you. I think it’s a bit rich because I know she does the same thing about me, but, that’s just more for my ego.”

 

Going around the counter to do some things her mother needed her to do at the register, Hyejoo gives Heejin her privacy.

 

Tapping play, the camcorder’s view is of the window’s view outside and the side of their torsos. Heejin can’t hear much of their conversation because of the chatter around them, but, Heejin doesn’t need to hear much when she focuses on how their hands come to meet at the middle of the table and how Hyunjin smiles at the feeling of the warm hand lacing their fingers together. Captioned at the bottom in yellow,  _ “I remember feeling so nervous that night that I could barely hold your hand. You remember how you had to take mine because I was too nervous to? I’m sorry that my hands were so sweaty D:” _

 

Smiling at the emoticon and the caption, Heejin remembers having to be the one to initiate contact despite being nervous too. (Hyunjin’s valiant efforts couldn’t quite get her there.)

 

The footage cuts and the camcorder’s focus is on their hands that are linked together. On the empty sidewalk, Hyunjin twirls the girl around to the music that flows out from the restaurant they’re walking by and it reminds Heejin of the nights they spent walking around, exploring the city, all of the random stores and the little crannies that are often skipped. The footage is a compilation of stationary stores (and Hyunjin zooming in incredibly close to the mole by the corner of Heejin’s eye and cooing about how cute it looks), ice cream shops (where Heejin feeds Hyunjin a bite of her ice cream while she had already been taking one of her own), and them walking under the city lights. In a particular shot, Heejin is looking up at a little shop’s lit paper lanterns and a caption comes up under it,  _ “I remember thinking in this moment that falling in love with you would be one of the greatest things I could ever do. I haven’t done much, and I still have so much more to do, but, still, I know that loving you is one of the greatest pleasures I’ll ever have.” _

 

After the video, as much as Heejin loves the memories she’s reliving, she aches to see Hyunjin. She just really wanted to kiss her and hold her hand and pull her into the tightest hug—anything to get closer to her. Hyunjin has always been so good at making her feel loved. Naturally, Heejin would like to do the same for her—not because she should, but, because she thinks her heart might just burst with frustration if she doesn’t get to give Hyunjin her affection and love. 

 

Hyejoo appears once again and her smile is soft and kind.

 

“You must miss Hyunjin.”

 

Heejin closes her eyes and nods definitively, “I really really do. I just wanna see her right now.”

 

Hyejoo’s smile grows and she gestures behind her, “Well, good thing Hyunjin’s right behind you. See you later, Heejin. Have fun tonight.”

 

When Heejin turns around, the smile that she endlessly loves is adorning Hyunjin’s lips and instead of greeting her with her words, Heejin takes to fulfilling one of her desires of the night and presses their lips together. Kissing Hyunjin is a flurry of feelings. It’s soft and warm and comfy and it feels like snuggling up in bed and dancing in empty streets. Kissing her feels like the days she spends with her and she wants more of them, an infinite amount of days with her. She wants the days that feel like the Sunday she spent on her first date with Hyunjin. Even then, when the days are tough and weary, she’ll take them too because she knows that at the end of it all, Sunday waits for her, just as Hyunjin waits for her.

 

~

 

The next year comes and it’s Hyunjin’s final year in college. 

 

After producing notable shorts and projects, Hyunjin had garnered the attention and privilege of her college’s graciousness. Sponsored to film a project overseas, Hyunjin has enough money to bring along one other person with her. With the destination being Paris, Hyunjin thinks it’s a no-brainer to ask her girlfriend of three years to tag along with her. 

 

(When she had asked her during their walk with Duppang, Heejin had froze and gaped at her.

 

_ “Are- are you serious? You want to take me to Paris?” _

 

_ Hyunjin laughs and kisses her cheek, “I’m being totally serious. I want you there with me and I want you to be a part of my project.” _

 

_ “Are you sure? It’s your final senior year project!” _

 

_ Kissing the back of the hand that was laced with hers, Hyunjin reassures her. _

 

_ “I promise, Heejin. There is no one else I’d rather go with than you.” _ )

 

Waiting to board the plane to fly to Paris, this feels like a crazy hazy dream for Heejin. Never did she think she would ever have the chance to visit Paris in her college career, nonetheless with the love of her life. Gaining Heejin’s attention by squeezing the hand in hers, Hyunjin’s camcorder is on and focused on her. From behind the lens she asks, “Heekkie, what have you learned from that book?” Pointing to the Korean to French book in her lap, Heejin looks to the camcorder and attempts to practice her learning.

 

“Je m'appelle Heejin.”

 

When a man (who was very obviously French, if the flag on his suitcase was any hint) beside Heejin looks towards her, Hyunjin stifles her giggle from behind the camcorder, “Do you know there’s French people around you?”

 

When Heejin’s eyes mimic saucers and she looks around in a panic, Hyunjin’s laugh can no longer be veiled by her hand, “You are so fucking cute, oh my god!”

 

Heejin lightly pushes at her shoulder and whines, “Why’d you ask me that then?”

 

Hyunjin puts her camcorder down to briefly kiss her, “I didn’t think you’d actually speak in French, baby!”

 

Adding to her thought, “You sound great though. I think you’re gonna get us through France.”

 

Heejin whines again and burrows her head into Hyunjin’s neck. When Hyunjin kisses the top of her head, her camcorder is hovering high enough to catch her next couple of words, “I love you, Heejin. So much.”

 

It also catches how Heejin mumbles it back against her neck.

 

When Hyunjin reviews the footage on the way there, the way Heejin’s eyes gaze at her from behind the camcorder makes her feel like the luckiest woman in the universe. Looking beside her, Heejin is knocked out, asleep with her head tilted in an uncomfortable position. Tilting her bobbing head to rest on her shoulders, Hyunjin leans hers on Heejin’s and closes her eyes for the rest of the flight.

 

Arriving in Paris, the European architecture is a drastic change to the modern buildings in Korea. Filming how the ceilings are finely detailed with intricate artwork and how the cobbled streets have its own foreign charm, Hyunjin hits the ground running with her project. Her short film follows the premise of a girl wanting to find romance in the City of Love but fails to and instead, she finds it in herself and Hyunjin starts with the fantastical showcase of the natural beauties in Paris. From the quaint tea shops to the people cycling around on their bikes, Hyunjin’s vision for her project could never accurately capture just how gorgeous Paris was.

 

Having Heejin as her star, her reactions don’t need much of acting. The awe shining from her eyes and the way she circles around to take everything in is nothing short of what Hyunjin looked for on her screen. Going to their hotel, even their room feels like an untouchable masterpiece. And talking about untouchable masterpieces, Heejin calls for her from the balcony window.

 

“Babe! Come look at our view!”

 

Focusing her camcorder lens on the window, Hyunjin films her perspective with the intent of it being the introduction to her short film. Pushing the door open (and being sure of keeping her hands out of the frame), Heejin is perched at the banister and looking out at the view in front of her. Deeming the time she spends focusing on her girlfriend and keeping her presence silent to be enough, Hyunjin continues filming for the sake of her memories.

 

“It’s beautiful, Heejin!”

 

The girl turns around, her hand covering her mouth, and her eyes in precious crescent moons, “It’s unbelievable!”

 

The Eiffel Tower stands tall and proud and it’s a monument that is a life-changing experience to see, but, Hyunjin can’t help but to think that this moment she shares with Heejin and seeing her smiling eyes is a much more moving sight. When Heejin talks, her eyes are still smiling and it makes Hyunjin giggle from behind the camcorder, “It’s really amazing; I really don’t know what to say!”

 

(Happiness looks so beautiful on her and Hyunjin wants to immortalize how stunning she looks amidst the buildings in Paris and the Eiffel Tower.)

 

Hyunjin doesn’t say much from behind the camcorder, but, her eyes are saying enough for Heejin to know. When Hyunjin sets the camcorder down on the glass table on the balcony, Heejin takes her hand and pulls her in closer. 

 

Kissing Heejin is always nice. But, kissing her in Paris, right in front of the Eiffel Tower, is especially so. When Heejin giggles against her lips and leans her forehead against hers, she still thinks that this is some elaborate and crazily detailed dream.

 

“Thank you for bringing me here. You’re the best, Hyunjin!”

 

Lifting her head, Hyunjin kisses her forehead and snuggles into the hug Heejin gives her, “Seeing you like this, there’s no way I would want anyone else here with me.”

 

(Allowing for Heejin to freshen up and get ready for the night, Hyunjin doesn’t know just how many thanks she should give to the universe. Her circumstances are too good, too perfect. It almost scares her how perfect everything is, but, instead of rolling in her fear, Hyunjin decides to embrace how fortuitous her life is. As long as she had Heejin’s arms to fall into, she would be okay.)

 

Finally out and exploring, Heejin seems to seamlessly fall into character. Looking helplessly lonely and in need of a lover to have beside her, Hyunjin wants to comfort her. During one of the shots Hyunjin was taking, a man comes up to Heejin and not planning on someone actually approaching her, Heejin is in mild panic. Trying to talk to the man and trying to express her lack of interest in him, it seems as though he doesn’t get the message and sits down at the table she was sat at in front of her. 

 

Seeing that talking with Heejin wasn’t working, the man frustratedly leaves and by the time he’s out of the frame, Hyunjin stops her recording and makes her way towards Heejin.

 

“Are you okay? You didn’t look at me and I didn’t want to intrude on the shot.”

 

Heejin takes her hand and the panic she feels is long gone. The man hadn’t been overly insistent or angry and it had calmed her nerves.

 

“I’m okay; don’t worry.”

 

When Hyunjin asks again and holds her hand tighter, Heejin kisses her and reassures her.

 

There’s definitely something about kissing in Paris. It’s oddly cinematic, even if a camera (or in her case, a camcorder) wasn’t pointed at them.

 

Satisfied with the content needed for her character’s yearning for love, Hyunjin tells Heejin of her next visualization for her short, “I just need you to be you and everything will be perfect.”

 

Throughout the night, while Heejin looked around and awed at the sight in front of her, Hyunjin found herself doing the same.

 

She doesn’t know if it’s the sight of Paris that gets her in wonder or if it’s how beautiful Heejin looks when her eyes twinkle in fantasy under the lights by the cobbled street.

 

(It’s a bit of both, but, Heejin surely is a sight to behold.)

 

It takes the rest of the night and the next day for Hyunjin to capture the footage she wanted for her short film. Spending their last night at Paris, it was obvious to have a date there. At a family-run restaurant, the atmosphere is cozy and warm. There is a low murmur of chatter around them, but, the way Hyunjin’s heart thumps against her chest when Heejin laughs at a joke she made echoes in her ears.

 

Being in love with Heejin is a feeling that can never be replicated or replaced and all of these moments that Hyunjin shares with her are memories that could never be recreated.

 

And she couldn’t imagine creating memories with anyone else.

 

~

 

The fourth year comes along and something lurks under the surface that never existed before.

 

And it scares Hyunjin. It scares her like no fucking other. Even the tumor they found in Duppang didn’t scare her as much and she was distraughtly terrified. 

 

The change is slow and it feels like a horrible nightmare. One day, Heejin is the way Hyunjin knows, loving and affectionate and heart-warming. On others, she’s distant and cold and short. In between the hurricane of changing emotions, Hyunjin is lost in the chaos of it all. Never once did she have to question if Heejin loved her in the past, but, in the past couple of months, she has spent more nights awake wondering than the nights she spent peacefully asleep in Heejin’s arms.

 

Everything happens and snaps the way a taut rubber band does when it finally breaks.

 

At the extensive stretching of the band, it’s the moments where Hyunjin wonders if everything was okay. It’s these things that pull the band. 

 

It’s how Heejin is usually a very emotive texter and skips the conventions of writing and the rules of grammar. Hyunjin can usually hear her voice in her head when she reads texts from her. However, lately, the messages she reads are as dry as a parched marathon runner.

 

It’s how whenever Heejin was with her, she would look away from her eyes and send them to look at her feet.

 

(Heejin used to find every reason to look her in the eyes. She said that she loves how they gleam in the sunlight and how loved they make her feel.)

 

It’s how Heejin would pull out her phone during the silent moments of their dinner together.

 

(Even in the past, even if there was a silence, there was never a needed presence of a phone to buffer the awkward tension of a situation.)

 

It’s how Hyunjin can’t remember the last time she heard a true and genuine laugh spilling from her lips, the sight of her crescent eyes smiling at her.

 

It’s how Heejin tells her to stop recording her.

 

It’s how Hyunjin hasn’t touched her camcorder in months, abandoned for the professional camera she got for her work.

 

It’s how unloved Hyunjin feels around her.

 

This is when the band snaps.

 

And the way it slings back and slices at Hyunjin’s heart gives her a pain that she would never want to relive.

 

But, it’s a memory she keeps replaying, no matter how much she doesn’t want to.

 

_ Almost seven months into their four years being together, the silence and stiff tension that had been permeating and infecting their Sunday date night had gotten to be too much for Hyunjin to ignore. _

 

_ “Heejin, are you okay? I just- I’ve been noticing how your messages lack your usual five emoji’s and misspelled words and how you, just, don’t look at me anymore? Or laugh as much as you used to? Is- is work just being tough or you’re, I don’t know, having a rough time right now? I just want to understand.” _

 

_ Heejin dismisses her and barely looks her in the eyes, “It’s nothing.” _

 

_ Hyunjin persists because, clearly, this is more than nothing. _

 

_ “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it yet, but, I worry for you. You know I’m always here for you, right? I’m always going to be there to listen to you and I’ll do whatever it is you want me to do to meet you on the other side of things.” _

 

_ Heejin stays silent and clenches her jaw. _

 

_ “I love you, Heejin. I can wait for you.” _

 

_ Heejin mumbles and it’s low enough for Hyunjin to have a hard time catching it, but, she does. And it sounds scarily like “I can’t do this anymore.” _

 

_ The way her heart starts beating in her chest isn’t the welcomed thumping she felt years ago. It feels as if it simultaneously drops to her stomach and lodges itself in her throat. When she gets the courage to ask, her voice is low, terrified of what could come next. _

 

_ “W- what?” _

 

_ And like the ticking of a time bomb reaching its end, Heejin explodes. _

 

_ Choked up on her emotions, uncertain if it was anger or sadness or exasperation, Heejin screams. _

 

_ She’s never screamed at Hyunjin like this before and it shocks the other girl. The sudden rise of emotion shakes her to the core. She has almost forgotten what it looks like to see Heejin with more emotions than just casual nonchalance or mild pleasure. And Hyunjin’s not sure if she wants to remember how she looks in this moment. _

 

_ In this moment, Heejin looks so small and vulnerable. And for the first time that night, and for what feels like since forever, her eyes hold steady contact with hers. Heejin’s stare is pained and the tears that roll down to her cheeks makes Hyunjin want to hold her, to protect her. But, when she steps closer, Heejin steps further away. Her hands keep her away—they create a physical barrier between the heart that already blocked itself off to her. _

 

_ “I can’t take it anymore! I can’t take how much you love me! It’s so fucking suffocating because I can’t do it anymore! I don’t love you the way I used to, Hyunjin! And it makes me feel so shitty because you’re so good and pure and everything I know I don’t deserve!”  _

 

_ Heejin heaves in a breath, not giving Hyunjin the time to talk. Not that she could. The way her heart splints and shatters at Heejin’s words is enough to empty the words in her mind that she didn’t even have the strength to search for, “Maybe, I did deserve you at some point, but, I don’t anymore. Not when I dread coming home to you because I can’t take looking at your sad eyes following me around, not when your words right now weigh me down instead of lift me up. I can’t take being around you, Hyunjin. Let’s end this already. You deserve to be with someone who loves you back. Because I don’t. Not anymore, Hyunjin.” _

 

_ Hyunjin used to love hearing the word “love” fall from Heejin’s lips. The way she says it now, the way it comes through her ear and coats it like thick wax, Hyunjin wishes she didn’t have the ability to.  _

 

_ Watching Heejin leave, Hyunjin comes to hate Sunday’s. _

 

_ Hyunjin would have waited for her, but, Heejin didn’t even have the effort to bear through the tunnel to meet her on the other side. _

 

_ She had other paths to travel and what else could Hyunjin do but accept it? She couldn’t force Heejin to love her, just as she couldn’t force herself to unlove her. _

 

_ In that moment, Hyunjin wishes she could, wishes she could just forget how happy Heejin used to make her, how she used to send her heart in a flurry of emotions and made her feel secure and comfortable and immeasurably loved.  _

 

_ If she could forget, this pain wouldn’t be so unfathomably excruciating. She wouldn’t feel her heart hanging by its hinges, torn apart and left to repair on its own. _

 

_ Was loving Heejin worth the pain? Hyunjin doesn’t know. _

 

_ Loving Heejin, Hyunjin thinks, is unforgettable. _

 

_ Even if she didn’t want to. _

 

_ Even if she wanted to. _

 

If there was a greater pain than the loss of Duppang, this could trump the grief that plagued her heart and how devastated she was when he had passed.

 

At least Hyunjin had the knowledge that letting go would make him happier and she was as ready as she ever could be when they had put him down. Hyunjin wanted to remember Duppang as the pure-hearted boy who greets her at home with his wagging tail and his happy tapping feet. And during his last day, when Hyunjin had come back after leaving to throw away her tissues, he still had the energy to welcome her with such a warm heart. Seeing that, Hyunjin engraves his happy panting face in her mind. And with peace in her heart, she let him go.

 

But, here, now, with the image that Heejin suddenly leaves her with, it knifes at her heart, leaving it to bleed dry.

 

~

 

Dusting off her camcorder, Hyunjin ejects the memory card and slides it into her laptop’s reader at the cafe a couple of blocks away from her house. Looking through the files and not searching for any particular one, Hyunjin finds the file of her short film she made in Paris with Heejin. Watching it, the happiness on Heejin’s face is strange to her. When she laughs, it’s foreign for Hyunjin to hear how it rings out. When she hears herself laughing from behind the camcorder, the sound of her own happiness is unusual.

 

At the consequence of Heejin leaving her, first emotionally then physically, so did her laughter.

 

Hyunjin misses how it feels to be happy. She can’t remember the last time she felt genuinely content, nonetheless, happy.

 

Jungeun slides into the seat across from her; her eyes are brimming with pity.

 

She, just like everyone else, thought that they would have made it—thought that the world would end before Heejin and Hyunjin would part.

 

But still, the world turns and Hyunjin is left brokenhearted and an empty shell of what she used to be.

 

Jungeun’s heart aches to see what her friend has been reduced to. Putting her hand on top of Hyunjin’s curled fist on the table, Hyunjin is glad to at least have Jungeun by her side through this.

 

Without her, Hyunjin would still be living on her bed, surrounded by her nasty tissues and left unmotivated to do anything else other than to go to the bathroom. Pulling her out of bed and even physically putting her in the shower and turning the faucet on, Jungeun forces Hyunjin to put herself together well enough to get her outside of her house for air.

 

(It’s a lot of work for a product that is not even close to halfway there. But, Jungeun thinks, it’s a part of progress.

 

It’s the small victories that matter.)

 

~

 

Months have passed and it feels as if healing is moving at a snail’s pace. Hyunjin doesn’t cry every night like she used to, but, she finds herself crying and alone at home and uninterested on going out on Sunday’s. 

 

Sunday’s have been hell.

 

(God, they used to be an absolute heaven.)

 

Hyunjin is stuck watching the moments she captured on her camcorder.

 

Jungeun has urged her to ditch the memory card, even Chaewon.

 

Hyunjin can’t help but to think that they don’t have the right to tell her what to do when their loved ones are still holding them at night.

 

Perhaps it’s irrational, and maybe, they’re right—for her to move on, she should get rid of the things that remind her of Heejin. But, she can’t bear the thought of throwing away the memories that show her how happy she was. It makes her feel better, makes her forget the living ghost that she is right now.

 

Jungeun and Haseul had been over for dinner on Saturday and while Jungeun took to washing dishes (it was their tradition that the cook would rest while the others would clean), Hyunjin flipped her laptop screen to watch the footage of one of their dates during their third year of dating.

 

Hyunjin doesn’t even hear the running water stopping and Haseul coming to sit beside her.

 

“You’re always watching those. You know it’s not healthy and it’s holding you back, right, Hyunjin?”

 

“I can’t help it. She was the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Haseul.”

 

“I know that it hurts, and I wish I could truly know how much you are hurting, even if only to take your pain, but, don’t spend your life hiding away. Don’t let other moments pass you by, Hyunjin.”

 

Haseul, bless her heart, is far too loving, more than anyone ever deserves.

 

Jungeun is lucky to have her, to have someone who loves her back.

 

(But then again, Haseul is lucky too—to have someone who selflessly loves her just as much as Jungeun does.)

 

The day after, Sunday, Hyunjin visits the cafe that she frequents often to edit her videos that she will send in for work for the month. 

 

In her pocket, the memory card from her camcorder is tucked safely in.

 

By the time she moves to leave the cafe, the skies are overcast and the clouds are gloomy and grey.

 

It’s supposed to rain soon and she should clear out to escape the downpour forecasted. On her way home, a familiar sound reaches her ears. Looking down the alley of where a restaurant was located, there stands Heejin in her pastel yellow skirt, leaning against a telephone pole.

 

She looks beautiful.

 

Still the most beautiful Hyunjin has ever seen.

 

She isn’t alone for long. A lanky tall man comes out from the restaurant and the way Heejin smiles at him and nuzzles into his embrace rips away the stitches that Hyunjin had cautiously worked through her heart in the past couple of months.

 

She knows that smile.

 

She has loved that smile so infinitely before.

 

That same smile is the one that hurts her today.

 

(It’s exhausting, to unlove everything Hyunjin loves about Heejin. There is just so damn much that she loves about her.)

 

It’s almost as if the universe taps at Heejin’s shoulder and urges her to look back. Seeing Hyunjin, feeling the tangible pain bleeding through her eyes, Heejin knows hers do the same.

 

Maybe she didn’t love her anymore, but, she did, whole-heartedly so. And Hyunjin had loved her (still does) so perfectly.

 

But, a perfect love isn’t always enough.

 

When Heejin turns away from her, it feels like the closing of their book.

 

Continuing her walk home, rain starts to come down. Digging in her pocket for her keys once arriving, Hyunjin had wanted to quickly get in her shower to warm up and wash away the day’s grief.

 

Instead of the jagged teeth of her keys, she touches the sharp edges of her memory card. Pulling it out, with the water damage it sustained from her walk home, Hyunjin knows it has become a useless piece of hardware.

 

It’s painfully humorous how it parallels itself adjacently to Hyunjin’s life.

 

Moments are only worth remembering when they are memories.

 

Throwing the card in her trash, it feels a lot like letting go.

 

Letting go of Heejin.

 

The downpour is refreshingly symbolic; it feels like starting over. 

 

Like the coming of a new day to move on from the last, it’s time Hyunjin should too.

 

Her Sunday’s will be okay.

 

She will be okay.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> really wanted to end on a happy note, but, i wanted to honor how much the inspiration for this hurt me so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.  
> (i also didn't want to include a m*n in the plot but, you know, you gotta do what's right and Commit to the pain). reach me @twinklingsana if you'd like! thank you for reading and i'd really appreciate feedback if you could leave me some to let me know if im doing things right :D
> 
> (also mayhaps i teared up writing abt duppang and not abt heejin but u knw wht....having a dog does that to u!)
> 
> once again, thank you to minjooscult for allowing me to do this!!


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